Finally Leaving the Hospital

I Was Ready to Go

By the 3rd day, I was ready to go. I didn't hate it at the hospital, but I was ready to get back to everyday life and take my child home. I just wanted to feel normal. The longer I was there, the less normal I felt.

Y'all, that hospital bed was my motivation. I hated it. I have slept in recliners that were more comfortable than that bed. I truly don't know what hurt worse: sitting in that bed or my c-section.

I got up, took care of my baby, gathered our stuff, and packed it. I walked around the room a bit, just to help get used to the feeling of walking with the c-section, and to elevate my boredom. I eventually sat in the hospital chair just to sit somewhere other than that bed.

"Please Let Me Leave"

By the time the doctor came, we were ready to roll.

The doctor laughed a bit because I was determined to leave. I was like, I've had my baby; I'm good to go. Please let me leave. I literally told him, "I walked, I showered, I pooped twice. I'm done."

Still puffy, slightly disoriented, uncomfortable...I just wanted to go home. The doctor told us it would be a bit, but he'd get me out today.

I didn't know that meant waiting until after lunch was served. Because of the wait, I did have to unpack some of the baby stuff temporarily.

I was a bit irritable about having to wait; I was bored. I was restless. It felt like I was going to be in that hospital room forever. But we did eventually get my discharge papers.

The Final Packing

Once we got my papers, my stepdad helped me repack a few things. And to double-check to make sure we had everything.

We got some extra diapers and wipes from the hospital, the baby stuff that had been given to me while at the hospital, and everything else we had brought with us.

Once we were packed, we made our way to the front desk to do the final check-out.

While I was doing the final paperwork, my stepdad went to get the car so I didn't have to walk out to it. Sitting in there watching my baby and looking out the windows felt like I was in another world. I didn't feel like anything that was happening was real. I didn't hate the feeling. After being in that room for 3 days, I welcomed the different sights and feelings.

Almost Home

Sitting in the waiting room felt like a breath of fresh air compared to being in those hospital rooms.

Being in those rooms felt like being in another world. Like years had passed, not four days. When my stepdad came to the front, he had parked the car and came back inside to help me carry everything back to the car.

Walking through the doors and stepping outside felt like I was walking into a different world.

Everything was different, and yet somehow everything was the same.

The buildings we had passed on the way to the ER were still there. The roads we had driven down were the same. The sun was shining. Not a cloud in sight.

And yet, it all felt different. We stopped at McDonald's, so my stepdad could get some lunch. I ate the hospital lunch, so I only got a milkshake. I ended up regretting that decision because it made me feel nauseous. We stopped at my parents' house to pick up my mom before going back to my house.

Walking Back Into My House

When I walked through the door, my husband was there waiting for us. He had put the pack'n'play together and had it placed on my side of the bed. While I love our pack'n'play, our house was too small for it. It took up the whole space between our closet and our bed.

Getting in and out of bed was difficult, and getting to my clothes...forget it.

While my parents and husband were with my baby in another room, I went to the bathroom to poop. I could wipe at the hospital, barely, but at my house...it wasn't happening. I had the advantage of our sink being right in front of the toilet, so I had something to hold onto to get on and off the toilet. The disadvantage was that I couldn't lean forward enough to wipe. I had to summon my mother to wipe me.

I learned something through this experience. We can complain about our parents. We can argue with them. We can disagree with them. Think that every time they say no, they are against us. But we never really truly understand our parents' love for us until we go through something. Car accident, birth, illness, etc. I had an emergency c-section and my parents stepped up to help when I needed it.

My husband helped as well, but that was just a thought I had about my parents that I wanted to share.

After that, I mostly just wanted to lie down in my own bed for a bit. I hadn't slept well the past couple of nights. I can't remember if it was before or after my nap that my mom helped me clean my incision and put one of the hospital ice/hot packs over it; to be completely honest, they didn't really help much.

Home, But Not Quite Normal

At one point, I sat on the couch. While I was pumping, I remember thinking that there was too much happening, and it was all happening too fast. I just wanted to slow down and breathe. Wanted everyone to go away so I could be left in peace and quiet for a bit.

That didn't happen, but I also didn't vocalize it.

I remember sitting there and not really feeling like myself. I was home, but everything still felt light-years away. Like I was seeing and feeling things through someone else's eyes. I was still feeling a bit disoriented, which probably added to the feelings I was having.

I spent the last few days wanting and wishing to go home. To feel normal again. But once I was home, everything didn't feel normal again. I had surgery for the first time; I now had a child. I was still recovering, still trying to understand what had just happened, and still getting used to the fact that I had a baby. I was home. But I didn't have that home feeling.